Every day, it seems like we, as a society, are slowly drifting towards a more fragile state. Most of us have a tendency to seek out creature comforts—the modern conveniences that make our lives more enjoyable, fun, and easy.
But what if I told you that it’s these creature comforts that are actually holding us back? Better said, our tendency to seek out comfort, is actually preventing us from growth. Isn’t it ironic that the growth we experience when developing modern conveniences gets stunted by the very conveniences that we’re creating? Have our creature comforts caused us to soften too much? Now, we all face adversity. We could all use techniques to overcome adversity, find a path ahead, and adapt to whatever life throws at us. But, are we unintentionally limiting our potential by opting for the easy road?
Staying Uncomfortable
If we know uncomfortable situations lead to growth and innovation, how can we cultivate our ability to navigate and even welcome them? This is probably the main reason I fell in love with Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ) less than three years ago.
It’s hard to describe just how uncomfortable the first several trips to class are. It really doesn’t matter how athletic, talented, or nimble you are, your first few sparring sessions (rolls) are humbling. Not only are you humbled, more than likely you’re also burning through loads of energy because you’re breathing heavily, your adrenaline is spiking, and your head is clouded with fear and anxiety. Meanwhile, your seasoned opponent is calm, breathing normally, and saving their energy for when they need it most.
BJJ teaches you—forces you—to stay calm and even relaxed in uncomfortable situations. It shows you that even in the worst situations, you can find your way out of them, as long as you remain relaxed and calm. It shows you that on the other side of fear, is growth, and it underscores the instant gratification that many of us have learned to crave, does not exist on the mat.
Contrary to today’s social tendency—overnight shipping, the next viral video sensation, twenty-five-year-old CEOs—BJJ shows you that greatness happens with years of commitment, unrelenting hard work, incremental growth, and persistently pushing your boundaries. You can’t just show up and go to class three times per week and expect anything other than a big dose of humility for at least a year or two. At first it seems strange—maybe you’ve been training for five hours each week for the last year, so why are you not winning? Over time however, you start to realize that your training partners have been attending with the same frequency and commitment, only for many more years. Some have been maintaining that regimen for five to ten years, while a precious few have been doing it for many decades. It’s therefore no real wonder why they roll with such calm, poise, and technique—dominating their opponents all the while.
When many start off on their BJJ journey, they default to what they have already in their toolkit. Some have strength, natural athleticism, or maybe even flexibility. But this often shows up as extra effort on the mat—breathing heavily, burning all their energy, and taking several shots to their ego all the while. Maybe that’s why the drop-out rate for BJJ is so high. It takes a different kind of person to lay down all their ego, past achievements, previous titles and social status and step onto the mat as a beginner—embracing a martial art that’s so frontloaded to losing.
"If you’ve had trouble dealing with disappointments in life you need to read Blind Ambition!"
- Tony Dungy, Hall of Fame NFL Player & Super Bowl Winning CoachThe Beginner’s Mind
Sustaining the beginner’s mind is key to success on the mat and in life. Once we think we’ve learned enough, that we’re expert enough to disengage from the learning journey, we lose the very edge that made us an expert in the first place. It’s fundamental to maintain the curiosity that bubbles up from the beginner’s mind, and harness that to push through the discomfort we’ll inevitably experience along the road to growth.
This is true when we’re learning a new fighting system, or building a successful enterprise. We need all the building blocks of resilience—choosing our response, telling ourselves the right stories, visualizing greatness even in unfavorable circumstances, getting comfortable with discomfort, and taking advantage of our disadvantages—but, getting comfortable with discomfort is where mindset meets action, and it’s also where growth and innovation take place.
Disruption always precedes growth, and I can’t think of something more disruptive than regularly getting on the mat to defend yourself from seasoned martial arts practitioners who are trying to choke you out, put you in an inescapable joint lock—armbars, kneebars, shoulder locks, wrist locks, or ankle locks. But having trained long enough to earn my BJJ purple belt, I now realize the real opponent isn’t the one on the other side of the mat, it’s the one on the other side of the mirror.
Combatting Comparisonitis
The scariest and most disruptive opponent any of us face is the one who is with us all the time. We are our own worst enemies. Not only are our unhelpful internal narratives at odds with a resilient mindset, they can quickly devolve into a trophy-case fixation, or worse, “comparisonitis”—where we constantly compare ourselves with everyone else’s best moments on display through social media.
In these instances, we’re not even comparing ourselves to another person, but instead, a false narrative, or highlight reel of that person’s life.
The Trophy-Case Fixation
How often do you find yourself thinking about your next major achievement? Is it simply part of a vision or plan that you’ve got for yourself, or does your next milestone eat away at your attention, stealing the precious happiness or fulfillment you’d otherwise have from being in the moment and enjoying the process? As a society driven by achievement—myself certainly included—it’s easy to fall down the slippery slope of fixating on the next trophy we want in our trophy-case, instead of reflecting on, relishing, and thoroughly enjoying each trophy, each minor achievement, and even each day in the process. This mindset is key to understanding happiness and fulfillment.
Happiness—true happiness—comes from within, not some external factor or achievement. If we’re always looking for something external to make us happy, we’re missing the amazing moments passing right in front of us, we’re never truly happy, and our happiness-the most prized achievement—is out of our hands and precariously left to the whims of circumstance. However, when we regularly reflect on minor milestones, take pride in the process, and show up each day with the beginner’s mind, it’s remarkable how much lighter everything feels. And, it’s paradoxical that the results—the trophies for our achievements—arrive sooner and with more regularity.
"Chad E. Foster is as authentic as they come. He could have easily gone the other way but instead when he lost his vision, he decided to use it to show people that you decide your story, not the life events we go through. Happiness is a decision we make every day when we wake up. His positive spin on life with a no bs attitude is something we can all benefit from. He raises the question of “is being in the dark & losing your vision a blessing?” For him, it seems like it may have been! He is very relatable and good at what he does. Highly recommend him for any business/professional event."
- YPOThe Best Comparison We Can Make
In a social media environment that floods us with images of everyone’s best lives, it’s hard to stay grounded. It’s hard to not feel like we’re not doing enough. After all, our lives feel so mundane, yet we see images on social media of people’s extravagant trips, incredible wealth, and finest moments. What we’re not seeing is the harder moments that everyone faces.
This is unhealthy on a few levels. First, it’s not even logical to think that these people don’t have hard moments, too. But, those moments are rarely captured on social media.
Next, it’s pretty safe to say that many on social media could be exaggerating their lives. People crave the approval and attention of others. Don’t most of us want others to know that we’re doing well for ourselves? Is it possible that people could sometimes cross the line when flaunting their lives, maybe even veer into exaggerating?
Finally, we’re all on different journeys. The life of a multigenerational billionaire is very different from someone who boot-strapped a business from ground zero. So, did the person who inherited their wealth make as much progress as the one who built their wealth from nothing? The point here isn’t to advise who and how to compare to others, because all comparisons are flawed—except one.
The only comparison we should be making is to ourselves. Are we a better person than we were yesterday? Last week? Last year? A decade ago? The best comparison we can make to understand our progress is to look at where we were, and how far we’ve come. And the best way I know to maximize our personal growth, our company innovation, and our collective contributions to humanity is to stay uncomfortable. And for that, I’ll meet you on the mat!
"This was unbelievably incredible, so moving and motivational. It truly puts life and approach into perspective and I could not be more grateful to have been here to experience this today."
- Destination Cleveland